OVERwhelmed

o·ver·whelm

verb /ˌōvərˈ(h)welm/ 
overwhelmed, past participle; overwhelmed, past tense; overwhelming, present participle; overwhelms, 3rd person singular present

  • Bury or drown beneath a huge mass
    • – the water flowed through to overwhelm the whole dam and the village beneath
  • Defeat completely
    • – his teams overwhelmed their opponents
  • Give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate
    • – they were overwhelmed by farewell messages
  • Have a strong emotional effect on
    • – I was overwhelmed with guilt

This is how I feel.

No joke!  The past few weeks have been TOUGH; the next few weeks will be TOUGH. 

Here’s why:

A new job on the horizon; The fear of the unknown involving that.

Studying and Tests for licensing needed for the new job; knowing that if I fail everyone will know and it will keep me from my new job. 

A house that doesn’t clean itself, dishes that don’t scrub themselves, meals that don’t cook themselves, and laundry that doesn’t wash itself.

Trying to be an active, involved mother and attempting to keep up with a 2 something year old little boy and remain an integral part of his life, while being spread so thin with all of the other “things” going on in life.

Work. The 8-5 gig.  Stressing that the duties I currently do, won’t be properly handled or there won’t be anyone available to do them, the way I do, when I depart.  (I realize I have a control issue.)

The thought of my baby starting pre-school come August.  It freaks me out and makes me so nervous. Even if it is only 2 mornings; it is 2 mornings in the care of a STRANGERI’m going to puke.

Bills.  Constantly rolling in.

Weight. Could someone please invent a magic pill that allows one to still eat but drop 20 lbs effortlessly? 

…I think I could go on for days.  But the past few weeks, the things mentioned above have really been catching up to me and causing me so much anxiety and headache.  My mind doesn’t stop racing.

I know I just need to suck it up and deal with it.  At this low point, it can only get better right?  …clearly, it can’t get any worse.

I do realize that most of the above stressors and reasons why I feel completely overwhelmed are self-inflicted.

I CHOOSE to leave a comfortable job.  I CHOOSE to start a new job, knowing what all that entailed.  I CHOSE to enroll Will in pre-school to get some socialization with children his age. I CHOSE to build a house bigger than I probably should have, with more mopping and scrubbing real-estate than I ever wanted to clean.  I CHOOSE to not work out – but seriously, I don’t know where I could find the time.

So, yes.  These are self-inflicted stressors…but what was I thinking with them all coming at me at once?

Thinking?  Apparently, I wasn’t.  But it’s life.  Waves of this come and go, just like the tide at the beach.  So for now, I will buckle-up, bear-down, and pray for a successful outcome. 

I’ll pray that I keep my hair and don’t pull it out strand by strand.  I’ll pray that I won’t wake-up, locked in my closet, curled into the fetal position with no intention of removing myself.  I’ll also pray for my family; god keep them from moving to a far-away land to get away from me.

Lastly, I’ll pray for a case of wine to be delivered to my doorstep via Priority Overnight.  Or some Xanax…yes, maybe Xanax is the key. 

So god, if you hear this, send wine…and Xanax!

-EmJ

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